Grace in Looking Back

It hasn’t been 48 hours since I returned from my trip to Spain and walking the Camino. And in some ways it doesn’t feel like I have been gone at all. It almost feels like a dream.

Lindsay commented to me yesterday that she didn’t want me to get to the point where the trip didn’t seem like it had happened. She commented that the time I was gone seemed so long while I was gone but now that I am home it doesn’t feel like it was that long at all.

It is a strange feeling to look forward to something for so long and then suddenly to be looking back at it instead. And yet some of my great photos from the Camino are when I stopped and looked back where I had walked; where I had been so far and pondered the beauty.

I believe that is what I will do with the Camino—I will look back at where I have been—the new friends I have met from all over the world, the beauty of creation, the steps and more steps that made up each day, the deep listening—look back hold on to where I have been and those that journeyed with me both physically and spiritually, but…

…But as in any journey, trip, adventure—one must also look at how it informs where you are. Perhaps this is particularly true of a pilgrimage that has spiritual significance.  And this will take time and daily practice to continue to listen deeply, watch for signs, and journey into grace, inviting others to travel with me.

I know that I am slower than when I left two months ago. Not so much in how fast I walk, or run, or ride my bike, or drive my car (though that will probably be true as well) but slower in my jumping to conclusions, slower in passing judgment, slower to hang on to things that eliminate joy—slower.

And in some ways I am quicker, or at least trying to be—quicker to listen and just listen, quicker to see beauty in the mundane, quicker to sit quietly and ponder…

But the real adventure perhaps in looking back—experiencing things again and again—is to turn around and look out on the horizon to see where the journey continues, to have the courage to take those steps—while still living in the present and holding on to where you have been.

So many of you have reached out and welcomed me home. You are kindly giving me some space to get settled back in, I am grateful. And despite the challenges that come with being gone this long and the work that demands my presence I am trying to realize all that has happened not only to me but to all those I care about as well. And this will take me some time—to share my stories, to hear your stories, and to somehow blend them together.