With gratitude and love---still finding grace

It is with gratitude and love that I write this. I have been home just two weeks but it doesn’t seem possible. I am still on a journey of grace and certainly still learning. ;) And in some ways it all seems surreal. And yet it was all so beautiful and real and yes, difficult also. And my feelings today are of gratitude for so many so I want to simply say thank you!

         Well, maybe not simply…you know me…

Thank you. I felt your prayers and support and presence every day and in every step of my journey, even since I have been home. While I was gone I felt you peering over my shoulders as I saw beautiful vistas. I felt you humming and singing along as I sang songs to get up high mountains or through the heat of the day. I felt you with me during times of loneliness giving me comfort and aid. I even felt you with me as I sat gathering my strength after I had fallen for the first, second, third and fourth times. I felt you with me when I walked into Santiago the first time but even more so the second time. I felt you with me as I sat on the rocks in Muxia watching the sun sink into the ocean. For this I am grateful to you and to God.

Thank you. While I was gone I never worried about things at home. Oh certainly I was concerned about loved ones, family and friends and prayed daily for each of you. But the day-to-day workings of the church I serve and the house I was not worried I knew they were in good care—and I trusted the people left to deal with matters at home and I trusted God. You have no idea how comforting that is. And for this I am grateful to those who helped and to God.

Thank you. I am so grateful for the love and support from all of you for those who helped me to get ready, for the opportunity to get to take this journey, for the reflections that I have shared and the times that I have said I can’t talk about it yet. I look forward to sharing with you my experience. I will continue to post more pictures as well as more thoughts from the way because there is more to share I just haven’t put it all into words yet nor gone through all of my pictures. But I will. But for today I just wanted to say…

I am grateful to be back among you and with you. For this I am grateful to you and to God. 

         Thank you!

Grace in Looking Back

It hasn’t been 48 hours since I returned from my trip to Spain and walking the Camino. And in some ways it doesn’t feel like I have been gone at all. It almost feels like a dream.

Lindsay commented to me yesterday that she didn’t want me to get to the point where the trip didn’t seem like it had happened. She commented that the time I was gone seemed so long while I was gone but now that I am home it doesn’t feel like it was that long at all.

It is a strange feeling to look forward to something for so long and then suddenly to be looking back at it instead. And yet some of my great photos from the Camino are when I stopped and looked back where I had walked; where I had been so far and pondered the beauty.

I believe that is what I will do with the Camino—I will look back at where I have been—the new friends I have met from all over the world, the beauty of creation, the steps and more steps that made up each day, the deep listening—look back hold on to where I have been and those that journeyed with me both physically and spiritually, but…

…But as in any journey, trip, adventure—one must also look at how it informs where you are. Perhaps this is particularly true of a pilgrimage that has spiritual significance.  And this will take time and daily practice to continue to listen deeply, watch for signs, and journey into grace, inviting others to travel with me.

I know that I am slower than when I left two months ago. Not so much in how fast I walk, or run, or ride my bike, or drive my car (though that will probably be true as well) but slower in my jumping to conclusions, slower in passing judgment, slower to hang on to things that eliminate joy—slower.

And in some ways I am quicker, or at least trying to be—quicker to listen and just listen, quicker to see beauty in the mundane, quicker to sit quietly and ponder…

But the real adventure perhaps in looking back—experiencing things again and again—is to turn around and look out on the horizon to see where the journey continues, to have the courage to take those steps—while still living in the present and holding on to where you have been.

So many of you have reached out and welcomed me home. You are kindly giving me some space to get settled back in, I am grateful. And despite the challenges that come with being gone this long and the work that demands my presence I am trying to realize all that has happened not only to me but to all those I care about as well. And this will take me some time—to share my stories, to hear your stories, and to somehow blend them together.

Grace---tripping, falling, hobbling--still grace

Wednesday, July 8--photos and story

After Tuesday, July 7, with its lack of signs, the rain--gentle but still soaking after 6 hours,  that sense of being lost and then suddenly found as miraculously a gift came--in people, mostly in dogs, in quiet deep listening and careful watching. (Not Getting Lost but Found by Grace is the title for that blog just so you can read more about that day if you missed it.)

So I started off Wednesday, having enjoyed renewing a brief friendship of the albergue family, who hugged me and kissed me on both cheeks as I left. And I think the woman said something about visiting her at her "casa" in two hears. I was feeling like I would do okay on this WAY because I just past it a week before. So I set out...

The sun was rising and it looked as if it was going to be cloudy and cool. A great way to walk. 

Through what looks like something out of a CS Lewis or JRR Tolkien books

To places..

I was recognizing. This was good. But it was still early. 

I saw this tree. Look at it carefully...it begins together...separates and then the paths of the branches weave back close together and at the top it is difficult to distinguish from which branch the leaves grow. 

As I started into a little village I saw flowers blooming; I saw dogs sleeping/resting; and I saw people working on their farms...

And then I headed up a path which was the wrong direction. I had asked a villager and she pointed me this way. But after a climb (quite a climb) and about .75 of a mile I turned around. I headed back down and sure enough where I turned right there was a smaller road that turned left. Perhaps the large dog that barked at me all the way up and down when I took the wrong road was a sign and I wasn't listening. Because when I turned the corner and was still slightly in sight the dog went back to resting. 

And I climbed again. Then I saw a familiar sight. And while I had wandered a little I was never really lost. So I kept walking. 

And then I saw some people in front of me. They looked like ordinary pilgrims each with two waking sticks in their hands. 

But as they drew closer I realized that one of them was on crutches. I wished them a buen camino. And then took another photo. 

The camino is a challenging walk. It is up and down and has its ups and downs. I wondered if this pilgrim was injured before he started or during. But whichever he was walking to the sea. 

It wasn't too long after seeing him that there were two more pilgrims taking a rest by the side of the road. As I was passing I said, "hola, buen camin..." Tripped on a rock embedded in the sandy, dirt path, tried desperately to catch and balance mysrlf but in the end landed flat on my belly and face. My finger was bleeding quite badly and both of the young men were embarrassed for me and trying to help me...help me up, no I'll just sit here thank you. Help me out...do you need a first aid kit...no thank you I have an entire pharmacy in my back pack. Helplessly standing there wondering what they could do with this fiercely independent and yet obviously fallen pilgrim. I finally said, "I don't usually make such a dramatic entrance, I'm Debbie." And then smiled at them as if to say, "I'll be fine just give me a minute." 

Then as I retrieved my first aid kit, washed and bandaged my finger we talked.  They asked for advice about Finistera and I happily told them. Then I bid them farewell and buen camino. As I walked away I thought that I possibly  gave them a story to tell about the tripping, bumbling pilgrim... ;) and that is funny!!

I made it to the next village where I got a bite to eat. Visited with some people and then headed out again. Once again the signs weren't clear. But I made it to Negeira. And to my albergue. At the end of the day I walked 30 miles. But was glad that according to the book Santiago was only 13 miles away. 

It was certainly a challenging but memorable day. And I'm grateful. 

Grace---tripping, falling, hobbling--still grace

Wednesday, July 8--photos and story

After Tuesday, July 7, with its lack of signs, the rain--gentle but still soaking after 6 hours,  that sense of being lost and then suddenly found as miraculously a gift came--in people, mostly in dogs, in quiet deep listening and careful watching. (Not Getting Lost but Found by Grace is the title for that blog just so you can read more about that day if you missed it.)

So I started off Wednesday, having enjoyed renewing a brief friendship of the albergue family, who hugged me and kissed me on both cheeks as I left. And I think the woman said something about visiting her at her "casa" in two hears. I was feeling like I would do okay on this WAY because I just past it a week before. So I set out...

The sun was rising and it looked as if it was going to be cloudy and cool. A great way to walk. 

Through what looks like something out of a CS Lewis or JRR Tolkien books

To places..

I was recognizing. This was good. But it was still early. 

I saw this tree. Look at it carefully...it begins together...separates and then the paths of the branches weave back close together and at the top it is difficult to distinguish from which branch the leaves grow. 

As I started into a little village I saw flowers blooming; I saw dogs sleeping/resting; and I saw people working on their farms...

And then I headed up a path which was the wrong direction. I had asked a villager and she pointed me this way. But after a climb (quite a climb) and about .75 of a mile I turned around. I headed back down and sure enough where I turned right there was a smaller road that turned left. Perhaps the large dog that barked at me all the way up and down when I took the wrong road was a sign and I wasn't listening. Because when I turned the corner and was still slightly in sight the dog went back to resting. 

And I climbed again. Then I saw a familiar sight. And while I had wandered a little I was never really lost. So I kept walking. 

And then I saw some people in front of me. They looked like ordinary pilgrims each with two waking sticks in their hands. 

But as they drew closer I realized that one of them was on crutches. I wished them a buen camino. And then took another photo. 

The camino is a challenging walk. It is up and down and has its ups and downs. I wondered if this pilgrim was injured before he started or during. But whichever he was walking to the sea. 

It wasn't too long after seeing him that there were two more pilgrims taking a rest by the side of the road. As I was passing I said, "hola, buen camin..." Tripped on a rock embedded in the sandy, dirt path, tried desperately to catch and balance mysrlf but in the end landed flat on my belly and face. My finger was bleeding quite badly and both of the young men were embarrassed for me and trying to help me...help me up, no I'll just sit here thank you. Help me out...do you need a first aid kit...no thank you I have an entire pharmacy in my back pack. Helplessly standing there wondering what they could do with this fiercely independent and yet obviously fallen pilgrim. I finally said, "I don't usually make such a dramatic entrance, I'm Debbie." And then smiled at them as if to say, "I'll be fine just give me a minute." 

Then as I retrieved my first aid kit, washed and bandaged my finger we talked.  They asked for advice about Finistera and I happily told them. Then I bid them farewell and buen camino. As I walked away I thought that I possibly  gave them a story to tell about the tripping, bumbling pilgrim... ;) and that is funny!!

I made it to the next village where I got a bite to eat. Visited with some people and then headed out again. Once again the signs weren't clear. But I made it to Negeira. And to my albergue. At the end of the day I walked 30 miles. But was glad that according to the book Santiago was only 13 miles away. 

It was certainly a challenging but memorable day. And I'm grateful. 

Tuesday July 7, 2015--my sister's birthday!

July 4 is my mom's birthday and 3 days later July 7 is my sister's birthday. It was easy as a child to remember. The times I get to spend with her, let alone on her birthday, are not enough. And though I was miles away I celebrated that I have a sister. One who helped raise me and still is there for me. 

So do you Evelyn. On July 7. Here was how I celebrated your birthday!!

Brigitte and I had breakfast before most anyone else in the albergue was awake. Then we headed down to the bus stop to wait for her bus. I got another coffee while we waited. And then the bus arrived and I waved goodbye to Brigitte. She was headed to Santiago and then home to Germany. 

I finished my coffee and waited a few minutes until sunrise. I wanted to be sure and see the signs. 

A look back at Muxia. 

And I walked. Got slightly off the path but knew I was still headed in the right direction. And then it started to rain. 

Yay for rain!! Go ahead name some things that are good about rain!!

I walked through the forest...

I walked through the villages...

I walked through the fields...

I walked and walked...in the rain...

I followed the signs...

And saw other signs of God's wonder. 

I saw the largest horreo (granary) in these parts...

And I kept walking...

Until I finally reached my destination. (This was actually taken the next morning

And that's how I celebrated my sister's birthday. Every once and awhile singing Happy Birthday to her. Even trying it in Spanish!! Love you Evelyn!!

Grace in Culture Shock---it's called tears and friends.

Several years ago after my first trip to the jungles of Mexico on a mission trip and the simplicity of life but backbreaking labor; the poverty but great faith, the lack of things but the wealth of love and community I was told to be prepared for culture shock when I returned home. I thought I had...I prayed, I wrote in my journal, I spoke to those who had similar experiences. But the first time I walked into Kroger (major grocery store in the USA) and wanted to buy some toilet paper and coffee I was overwhelmed by the choices. I couldn't make a decision even though I had been buying the same brands for years. I stood paralyzed. Tears filled my eyes and I left without purchasing anything. 

Even though people were interested in my stories I had to learn to keep them condensed, simple. I had to wait until asked. And sometimes I just didn't want to talk about the things I had seen and done. The time and place were not proper. 

I have already found the same true about my Camino experience. I have talked with people who have never heard of the Camino who have dismissed me. Talked with people who have heard of the Camino and almost made a joke as to whether I found "the way". And talked with people who have heard something so asked me questions and from a part of my story said I have inspired them to put this on their bucket list. ;)

I do not write this as a way to gain sympathy. But rather as an explanation. I have been away for almost 60 days. The technology has been less than stellar. But I have dealt with it. The friends I have met on the Camino some have come and gone but others are lifelong friends--and I treasure this. 

So I share with you what a sweet, dear friend sent me last night, concerned about my re-entry into life after the Camino. 

"I know in your line of profession you see and hear this often but I still wanted to reach out. You're homecoming is so similar to a deployed soldier's return and you will experience a lot of mixed emotions. You grew and changed so much spiritually and emotionally or at least that is how I felt when I came home. I had so much time to think and "alone" time that I actually found myself depressed at times when I came home. There were times I didn't want to be around family because they kept hovering over me then they kept asking what was wrong. 

Don't get me wrong, I was so happy to be back with family and friends, to sleep in my own bed but I also needed my alone time. I missed the people I met during deployment knowing I would probably never see them again in this lifetime...

...Please take it easy and don't rush back to the life before Camino because you have changed. We all love you and want to see you and hear first hand your stories but in your time."

At least the way the world works I will be able to keep in touch with my new friends as I come back home to so many special people. And who knows maybe I will see them again on the Camino, the Way-in this life but certainly in the life to come. 

Just know that I love my people dearly. And it will take me time to adjust. But I will. I climbed mountains, walked on blistered feet, in searing heat, and fog and rain. I can, with the grace of God and your continued support, love, and understanding continue my journey. "For as the walk ends the Camino continues..."

July 6, 2015--photos

I'm going to step back and recap on some photos and experiences. 

Monday was a very quiet day. I walked to the beach and heard the little old man playing the bagpipes

I listened for a bit and then walked on down to the beach area. 

This little guy was working diligently on a sand castle. Though he was building two I think. One here near the rocks and one closer to the water. Perhaps a summer and winter home?

The I saw this woman helping this man to the water. I wondered if he had a condition or if he had walked the Camino and his condition--that is walking slowly and needing assistance was from that. Anyway it is a lovely image of how we need others in our lives at times to help us. 

The beach was lovely. With romping dogs, children at play, people walking and sunning. The weather spectacular. And the water cold. 

This poor woman bent over as I took this picture but I was really trying to get a shot of the 4 pups under the umbrella. 

A fun day at the beach. 

After the beach my friend Brigitte cooked dinner for us. We had pasta with salmon and then a salad. We talked about our experiences on the Camino and life. Brigitte and I met in Muxia the day before but it was as if there was an ancient connection. 

After we cleaned up we rested and responded to emails and texts and waited for sunset. And it was beautiful again. 

A beautiful day.